First things first...
WE ARE PREGNANT!
This is an exciting announcement under any circumstance, but for us it is very special because we have had a fairly difficult time getting to this point. In fact, it took about 16 months and the help of some awesome doctors. To us, the whole story feels like it takes an hour to tell, but we will do our best to be brief (but still thorough). It is a series of blessings and the undeniable work of our gracious God!
The story begins with my job with Johnson & Johnson as a pharmaceutical sales rep. I was hired in December of 2007. The job had many good benefits, including very excellent medical insurance. This was an incredible blessing considering I had not been able to find a job since we got married in May, and I was far from qualified for the position in the first place.
Fast forward to October of 2008... I’m still working for J&J. And we have decided that we are ready to start trying to have a baby. It didn't happen that first month, but at that time we figured that it might take a couple months of trying, and that it would be no problem. Well... after about 6 cycles and 6 negatives, we started to get the idea that it might be a little more difficult than we thought.
In the meantime, we joined a small group at
Browns Bridge, where we go to church. What a blessing that was (and still is). They were the first people to know our "secret". It was really nice to have somebody to talk to and pray with about our worries and disappointments. It was sometime soon after this that our thought process about our situation began to change. Initially, we were pretty caught up in the difficulty of being told "no" every month. Plus we were just scared that something might be wrong. Thankfully, this did not go on forever. We realized that this ordeal was fully under the authority of God. We had no control over the situation. All we needed to do was put our trust in Him and know that we were exactly where He intended us to be.
Now, was it still disappointing each month? Yes.... It is never easy to get a "no" when your heart desires something, but we got to the point where we quickly returned our focus to the proper place, and each time we were given peace about the situation. We know that God was using this time in our life to build our faith and to remind us of our immense need for Him.
Getting back to the timeline.... I was let go from my job in April as a part of a mass layoff, which was also a great blessing because I was unhappy and at times wanted to quit. My severance package paid me and extended my benefits through August. Also, during that time a friend in our small group mentioned to us that she previously worked for a great fertility clinic in
Atlanta, and that she personally knew one of the doctors there. We were at the point where we wanted to at least find out if something was wrong with us. Plus, I had great insurance that would cover certain tests and things like that, so we wanted to take advantage of the opportunity before I lost my benefits. So, with the help of our friend, we got an appointment with Dr. Dorothy Mitchell-Leef at Research Biology Associates (RBA) in
Atlanta. This is the best place in the state, and it usually takes a couple of months to get into, but we got a consult within two weeks.
At this point, we told our families about everything that had been going on. We had resisted for so long because we wanted to have the excitement of surprising them with the news that we were pregnant, but at this point it was good to let them know.
After meeting with Dr. Mitchell-Leef both of us underwent some testing to see if they could find any causes for infertility. They did some blood work on me. They also did a test where they ran a dye through my fallopian tubes so they could examine if there were any blockages that would keep the egg from getting where it needed to be. All the tests results showed that things were pretty normal for both of us. This was a blessing, but it gave us no answers. The next step was a surgery to see if I had endometriosis, which is basically tissue build up inside the uterus that could prevent a fertilized egg from properly implanting. The doctor did find a little bit, but not a substantial amount. After all that, which occurred during the months of July-September, they really didn't have an answer as to why we wouldn't be able to get pregnant.
Also during this time, my severance ended. However, we received another wonderful blessing, which was the opportunity to extend my current medical benefits through COBRA at a discounted rate for 6 more months. Basically, we were able to keep my awesome insurance for a REALLY cheap price.
This was huge, because it influenced our course of action at the fertility clinic. You see, my insurance provided coverage for many advanced types of infertility treatments, which we have learned is a very very rare thing. A procedure such as IVF (
In Vitro Fertilization) is almost never covered by insurance companies, and the out of pocket costs are in the neighborhood of $15,000. So obviously under normal circumstances we would never have the chance to do something like that. But, amazingly enough, IVF was covered by my insurance. So because of this, Dr. Mitchell-Leef suggested that that be our next step. This occurred during October of last year, which was a full year since we started trying. We understood what a rare opportunity we had, to have IVF done at a small fraction of its normal cost, so we did it.
IVF is a very time consuming process. The whole thing takes about a month to complete. It starts with the drug regimen, which begins pretty soon after your period starts. The main drug you take is an injection that stimulates follicle growth in your ovaries. Under normal circumstances you have one follicle a month, which releases one egg. The goal of IVF is to have multiple eggs, so this drug creates multiple follicles. Then, for two straight weeks you have to go to the doctor’s office every day. Did I mention that our doctors are located inside of 285 in
Atlanta? This meant A LOT of driving for me. During each visit they drew blood to check my blood estrogen levels, which have to be monitored closely. I was also given an ultrasound every day, in which they monitored the growth of my follicles. A follicle is mature and ready to release its egg once it gets over 1.4 cm in size. This growth takes about two weeks.
The next step of the process begins when the follicles are mature and eggs are ready to be retrieved. To do this you take a shot that brings the eggs to maturity and triggers their release. The drug takes exactly 36 hours to work. The eggs are retrieved by the doctor before they are actually released into your body. To do this, I was put to sleep and they inserted a needle and literally sucked the eggs off my ovaries. I had 25 eggs retrieved, and of those, 14 were mature enough to potentially be fertilized. The doctors decided to freeze 6 of the 14 eggs. They can be used by us for future procedures. The other 8 eggs were joined with Clay’s half. Of those 8, 7 were successfully fertilized. We were extremely excited by this.
Our 7 embryos grew in a dish for five days. On the fifth day, embryologist selected the 2 strongest embryos (which were perfect, 10 cells and grade A) were transferred back into my uterus. Under normal circumstances, the remainder of the embryos would be frozen on that same day so they could be used by us on a future procedure. But, for whatever reason, our 5 other embryos were not deemed healthy enough on the fifth day. So, they let them mature for another day, but unfortunately, none of them made it to freeze. That was heart breaking. It is basically like miscarriage, just outside of the body. It also caused us to be concerned about the health of the two that had been put inside of me.
After the transfer you have a waiting period of 12 days until you go for blood work to see if you are pregnant. The time came, and the results were in,
NEGATIVE. Oh how hard that was to hear. You would think we would be crushed. We thought we would be crushed... and we WERE very disappointed, but God blessed us with an amazing sense of peace. I wrote this in my prayer journal after we got the news: "I need to get to a point that I am okay with knowing that this is not our time. I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR GOD'S WILL. So, since we are not pregnant, it is God's will. God's plan is ALWAYS better than my own. God's will is perfect. God knows everything!! He knows I want a baby. He knows Clay wants a baby. For some reason, a reason I do not know, he doesn't want us to have a baby right now. It hurts because I want a baby right now, but if someone asked me whose plans are better, yours or Gods? God's would be my answer. SO, the better plan is taking place right now, and I am shedding my disappointment by crying every once in a while and knowing God is still good!" (
Ecc. 11:5).
As hard as this process has been, God has been so faithful and so amazing to show himself to us in a way both of us have never experienced. Though we were disappointed, He gave us peace and reminded us that He loves us so much, that we are taken care of, and that He just wants us to trust in him. There have been so many verses I have read about getting things we pray for, BUT ultimately it is about Him and His glory. That is why we were made. Not to get everything we ask for, but to bring Him glory and be in relationship with Him. This experience has certainly done that, and I am forever grateful for this tough time.
Moving on…. Our doctor had no explanation for our failure. She had felt pretty confident in our chances to get pregnant by IVF, and she encouraged us to try it again. However, for medical reasons you can’t do IVF in consecutive months. And because of the time of the year, and the holiday schedule at the office, we would have to wait an additional month until we could try it again. At first we debated if we were up for doing it again so soon. It was very draining, both physically and emotionally. However, we realized that it was a huge blessing, and an opportunity that would only be around for a short time. So we decided it would be best to do it. In the meantime (the months of November and December) we were able to try another procedure called
Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). It is a much less time consuming procedure. It also has lower success rates than IVF. We tried it both months, and again, we were unsuccessful.
It was now time to give IVF a second try. We were excited and optimistic for success, but the reality that God was in control, and that His will would be done was still on the forefront of our minds. In order to not drag this story on FOREVER (I am sure some of you think it already has), I will just say that this round had its ups and downs like the cycle before. But, we made it to egg retrieval again and they were able to retrieve 27 eggs, 13 of which were mature, and each was fertilized successfully.
Three days later, the doctor’s office called me unexpectedly and asked me to come in that day for the embryo transfer. In the previous cycle the embryos grew for five days before the transfer, and we were fully expecting that to be the case this time, but they told me that they were seeing slow growth in many of the embryos. They thought they would be better off in my uterus rather than the Petri dish. Of course this was a little alarming. You never want to hear that they aren't growing/dividing as fast as they would like. On top of that, we were forced to make last minute arrangements to get me down to the doctor because of the short notice. Needless to say, it was a stressful situation. However, when it was all said and done, I had two perfect, 8-cell, high grade embryos put inside me that day. And the two week wait began once again….
Our Buddies at 3 Days Old
Three Saturday’s ago (Januray 31st 2010), Clay and I came home from his parent’s house where we had spent the night. It was a couple of days before my scheduled blood test to see if I was pregnant. We had decided to go ahead and do a home pregnancy test because we didn’t want to wait any more. The only one I had was digital, which in the past I have HATED because they always blink for a few minutes and then, in big fat bold letters, say NOT PREGNANT. But it was all I had. So, I tested and waited............................. and it said PREGNANT. WHAT?!? I could not believe my eyes. I have taken a zillion tests in this last year and 4 months and never ever ever did I get anything that resembled a positive!
I screamed for Clay, but he was nowhere to be found. He had been outside talking with a neighbor. So I just paced around the house in shock until he walked in the door a few minutes later. I was just standing there bug-eyed with the stick in hand! He knew immediately, but showed no reaction until he had looked at it for himself. That was the greatest moment! We cried, we laughed, and we got down on our knees and praised and thanked our Lord for being so gracious to us! It was amazing! After tons and tons of NO's, we got our YES!
To wrap this looong story up, my blood test results have been really great, and we actually go in for our first ultrasound tomorrow! Today I am officially 6 weeks pregnant. We are so grateful for the many blessings we have received throughout this process. God has drawn us near to him, and brought us to a place where we are fully able to give him the glory for what has been done. The last year and a half has been humbling, encouraging, and extremely fulfilling. We can’t wait to see what the next few months have in store for us. Thanks for reading.
